Death of a Heart
by Boyfrom0z
Summary: Demyx goes through the 7 stages of death as he becomes a Nobody. Abstract, mild language, T just to be safe.
1. Prologue

AN: This is based on the idea of the seven stages of grief/death: shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance. It's pretty abstract, but I thought it was kind of a cool idea. It's from Demyx's POV, but it really could be anybody in the Organization; I'm just partial to him.

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Death of a Heart

Prologue 

I never asked to become a Nobody. I mean, look at me. Do I strike you as the kind of guy who'd be into all that taking over the world crap? No, of course not. What happened to me was never in my life plan. I can't really remember how it happened, but I do remember what happened afterwards as I slowly came to understand that the person I had been was dead.


	2. Shock

**1. Shock**

I lay shaking in a dark bed, in a dark room, in a dark castle, in a dark world. I couldn't sleep in this place, in this state. I didn't feel like myself. I didn't really feel like anything. I had no idea what was going on. I was in a state of total shock. From what I could remember I had been me, just doing whatever it was that I had done and now I was here and I could somehow sense that I wasn't really _me_ anymore. I didn't know what to do or how to cope. What the hell was going on?


	3. Denial

**2. Denial**

The next night I was once again unable to sleep. I sat with the covers pulled up over my knees on the dark bed, in the dark room, in the dark castle, in the dark world. This wasn't happening. This could not be happening. This wasn't real. It was all a dream. Soon I'd wake up and be who I was and it would all be over. This nightmare could not last. It was all too absurd, wasn't it? Heartless? Nobodies? There was no way any of this could be real. Stuff like this didn't happen in real life and if it did there was no way it would happen to someone like me, right? It wasn't real. If I could just get to sleep, then I could wake up and it would all be over.


	4. Bargaining

**3. Bargaining**

The third night I paced the dark room, in the dark castle, in the dark world. Maybe there was a way out of this. If I could just be good enough, too good to be Nobody then maybe I could go back home. I was good person, wasn't I? I was sure I had been a good person before I'd become this. I would be good. I would do whatever it took to end this nightmare that had become reality. What did I have to do? Be a better person? Overthrow the Organization? Save the world? I'd do it! I would! Anything to get back home, wherever that was. Anything to be who I was again. I'd do anything if I only knew what it was.


	5. Guilt

**4. Guilt**

I lay on my back, staring at the dark ceiling of the dark room, in the dark castle, in the dark world. I must have done something to deserve this. It must be my fault. If I hadn't done something wrong then this wouldn't be happening to me, would it? It must be punishment for something. What had I done wrong? Who was punishing me? I felt awful knowing that whoever I had been deserved this hell. I guessed I hadn't been a good person after all if this was what I'd had coming to me. I almost cried in remorse over whatever it had been that I had done. It was all my fault and this was my personal hell for it.


	6. Anger

**5. Anger**

My feet carried me quickly back and forth across the dark room, in the dark castle, in the dark world. I couldn't believe this. There was no way I deserved it. There was no way _anyone_ deserved this. Why me? I hadn't done anything! What the hell? This was way beyond unfair or even outrageous. I lashed out at the wall with my fist, which I regretted, but I had to take out my furry on something. Who had done this to me? When I got my hands on them they would pay for what they'd done to me. They would regret it. They would never do it again. I would make sure of that. If I couldn't save myself from this nightmare, I could at least drag whoever was responsible for it down with me into their own nightmare.


	7. Depression

**6. Depression**

The next night I sat slumped against the end of the dark bed, in the dark room, in the dark castle, in the dark world. There was no escape; I was damned to this hell forever. What was the point of even trying to go on? Maybe if I just sat here long enough I would die. I didn't know if I could die anymore. Maybe I was already dead. I stared blankly ahead at the wall. It was all so pointless, so futile. I never wanted to leave this room again. I would just sit here until I rotted away and was gone from this nightmare at last. What did it matter? Nothingness would be far better than this. I had no will anymore, no spirit, no life.


	8. Acceptance

**7. Acceptance**

On the seventh night I lay in the dark bed, in the dark room, in the dark castle, in the dark world. This was my life now. This was what there was and I was just going to have to go with it and see where it took me. Whether I liked it or not, I was Demyx now. I was a Nobody. I was number IX in Organization XIII and that was that. I would just have to make of it what I could. I would have to move on and live this new life. I was, for the first time, glad that I had lost my past. That person, my heart, was dead now and I, Demyx, was alive with no time or reason to miss or morn the person I had been. I rolled over and pulled the covers up to my chin. I closed my eyes and finally feel asleep.


	9. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

And that's how it happened. That's how I became who I am now. I understand a lot better what it means to be a Nobody now than I did then, of course. Sometimes I wonder if everybody else went through the same shit I did. Whenever I think about it, I can usually only picture anger. I can totally see Axel trying to burn down the castle and I can see Zexion being depressed, of course. But I can't really see any of them being guilty or bargaining or anything like that. I mean, can _you_ picture Xigbar down on his knees telling the gods he'll be good if he doesn't have to be a Nobody anymore? Yeah, I didn't think so. I don't know though, maybe we all went through the same thing, but who knows really? The death of a heart is a complicated thing and it might not be the same for everyone, but who am I to try to figure this stuff out? I'm not exactly the brains of the operation ... erm ... Organization. But anyway, that's what happened to me. That's how who I was died and who I am was born.


End file.
